Thoughts of an Insomniac: Tired but not Weary.

Dealing with sleepless nights is never new. This is just among those nights where I lurk in the night and wait for sleep to win me over. Somebody told me I should stop drinking coffee or better yet tire myself so hard for me to fall face dipped on my pillow. If it would be that easy, I would have done that long ago - but it's just not. Having eyes wide awake almost every night is not something you have to pity yourself for. Everybody's so after of getting a good night sleep. True enough, achieving such a dream can mean cloud nine. But, there's so much beauty in the night that most people fail to even recognize. For one, when night time falls, the sounds of your surroundings become deafening. Silence becomes noise and noise becomes silence. You even get the chance to hear your own thoughts; to ponder on your very own existence. You develop your night time vision and every night you’re awake, the dark even becomes vivid. You become unconventional in dealing with time. You feel undaunted with it to the point of becoming invincible. My insomnia becomes my greatest weapon.

As I keep watching the clock ticks 'till I get to call it another day, I still thank somebody Higher for the chance to meet the new day heads on. Though the clouds are threatening for some heavy rain pour, it's not something I have to really worry about. It's not something that one cannot even expect. It’s just something you have to embrace. The only difference between day and night is that people tend to become preoccupied during the day that when night time comes, they sacrifice it to the point of losing its essence. They say night time is designed for people to put everything that took place the whole day to rest. Perhaps I was an exception to such. I am. 

I have all the time in the world so to speak – to review what took place the whole day. I get to laugh alone whenever I recall something funny. I can even hear words clearly when my thoughts start to do the talking. I am not crazy, technically – I just have all the time to sum up everything. And by everything – including those thoughts which are supposedly buried six feet under. This is the downside of being a sleep denouncer. Not all day turns out to be good. There are always the bad days to call. And when it’s supposedly time for me to call it a night, I just can’t throw everything away to oblivion.  I must deal with it the same way I allowed happiness to linger in my system. To some, this may sound like a curse. For me, it’s becoming human about everything.

So one night I decided to sleep over with my girls and decided to take in some shots thinking that since I cannot sleep, I might just have to enjoy it. Chats become unforgivable when time strikes 4:45AM. But reviewing what took place during the night makes me realize a lot of things – particularly dealing about womanhood and relationships.

The good thing about having four heads colliding with thoughts is that you don’t have to deal with your own. You just have to listen to what they have to say and from there you get the chance to realize that you do not just become a recipient of their own personal thoughts but also the very core of their humanity and existence. Time cannot counter those thoughts as the topic gets interesting until I must hold it there and must have to ask myself, “Wait, do I really hear her say those words or was it myself doing the assessment of my own humanity?” True enough, we vary with our thoughts and experiences but we have our own stories to tell and every day I get the chance to hear somebody else’s thoughts, it magnifies my existence. It keeps me grounded. It helps me understand more why people vary with their perspective towards life in general.

I don’t know how you define a good person but that night, I know I was with such kind - Ferocious but forgiving; Understanding yet decisive. That night, I was privileged to become a part of a privileged communication of a group who knows something about life and people. And these are all women who would rather give a good fight for someone they love before calling it quits. Fearless as they may seem but deep down they know where they have to take it and when too much becomes enough. These are the kind of women who know the core of their existence without necessarily defying ‘should’ and ‘must’. Extremities reached its height and internal battles are won over. We branded the night, no doubt.