Too Early for Valentines Day

I could not remember the last time I had a sensible conversation with a man, until yesterday. I brutally asked him this question: So, why do guys cheat? In my defense, I honestly meant to rephrase that question to this: Do you have any idea why some people cheat from their spouses or partners? There, I could have gracefully throw that question at his face but of course, I have a bad habit of, let's say, surprising people with questions. But I think he truly understood what I meant. That night, my thirst for information from a guy's perspective was somehow quenched. 

He told me that there is no perfect relationship. I would have rolled my eyes right in front of him the moment he said that line. Cliche, isn't it? But, I was stopped from doing so upon hearing his next lines. According to him, a perfect relationship is comprised of an 80%-20% sharing. If a guy is committed to a woman, by that, he meant a guy to be in a relationship, assuming (on my behalf) that this refers to a love-based relationship, the 80% is being made up. But then again, since no relationship is perfect, there is always that 20% that is lacking and this 20% is workable in the relationship. This lacking percentage may be due to differences between two people, since no two people can ever be alike in their choice of movies, taste buds preferences, and the list of these disparities can go on, and on. But, as he said, these differences are way too light to weigh down the 80% that has already been made up the moment the woman said yes to the man. Sadly, however, not all people who are in this kind of relationship know how to reconcile their differences and compromise in order to achieve the 20%. As a result, either one of them will have to look for this 20% from other people, in this case, from the opposite sex and whoever finds first that other opposite sex who can fill in the 20%, is unfortunately the one to be branded as the cheater. 

Point well taken. But of course, you did not expect me to accept those facts right away, right? Not, especially when numbers are taken out from the air in that instant; not when someone is trying to establish a fact through estimates. So, my inquiries that night were like snapped from the air as well. I indulged myself and further asked: Didn't you guys know from the start what you truly signed up for? Seriously, I think it's a generally accepted fact that no relationship will ever be perfect, but that doesn't give you guys the pass to find what is lacking in that relationship from other people. It's not fair. 

I honestly believed that I have practiced vagueness in my line of questioning that night, so is my ability to come up with hasty generalizations. But of course, because I am the woman, he has given me much leeway to just go through babbling. And here I am trying to raise my defenses by trying to explain that what I truly meant by my question did not pinpoint to men only because even women are capable of cheating. I know you understand what I meant. 

He answered that question with a question. What about you? Do you (women) also truly know what you have signed up for, in the first place? No, let me rephrase that. Do you also understand what you have signed up for from the moment you said yes to a man? That is exactly the reason why there is a 20% workable percentage in a relationship. That kind of question maybe considered a part of it already. What does a man and a woman truly signed up for in a relationship? Let's see. We have, honesty, check; loyalty, check; faithfulness, check; but wait, have I mentioned respect, yet? There goes your 20%, baby. You have to work that out! 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T 

Yes, he spelled that word at me. According to him, while either parties in the relationship are assuming that they have respect for each other the moment their eyes sparkle as they stare at each other, either of them failed to notice that this is the same element that they have been actually looking for from the relationship they have established. The 80% apparently is comprised of honesty, love, and fidelity. The 20% is shouting for respect. And what is there to respect for? Your differences. The common misconception most people conceived from engaging in any sort of relationship is that the attraction they developed for each other already tantamounts to love, and the moment they acknowledge that feeling, they seem to assume that all of what their person has to offer comes with it.

Apparently, not. 

You have to ask yourself. What got you attracted to the guy? Isn't it that you found him cute while he was eating with his bare hands? That you found it weird yet beautiful how he sang his throats out just to sing you your favorite song? That he opened your eyes to another dimension of this world by making you listen to his comic book stories when you could have finished your Kat Martin novel? That he shared his metallic songs in your iPod? These, my friend, are the disparities you failed to notice from the very beginning yet you forgot to take them into the relationship because you were drowned by your emotions. But the longer the relationship stays, the more these differences become vivid. You know why? Because these differences, spare the attraction, are the things you never signed up for should you have noticed them before you said your precious 'yes'. As these differences become crystal clear while you both are in the relationship, you start to develop your indifference with each other. You start throwing shit at each other. What do they call that again? Irreconcilable differences.

So, what happens to your 80% now? 

I butted in even before he can say his next sentence and answered, what actually happens to your acclaimed 80% is nothing, in the first place, there is no 80% established. You see, I don't believe that it is probable to even claim to have felt love in the relationship and claiming at the same time that you have a 20% respect that needs to be worked out for each other. It is absurd. Love is all-embracing. Honesty, Fidelity, Trust, and most especially, Respect. You don't say, I love you but wait, we need to work out on respect, baby. It doesn't work that way because women, while they, as you claimed, are drowning in the ocean of their emotions, have already embraced the totality of the person that you are the moment we say yes. Yes? Your 80%-20% is pure, bullshit. 

Guess what? He suddenly raised his goblet and said, "I rest my case. Cheers! But, err, can I stick with my 80%-20% sharing?"

Men.