High-ly Confessions

“All I could remember was the hiatus of a happy state I was in --- all problems were behind me momentarily, and I was like overdosed with a happiness medication; I can die or better yet, live like it forever.”

Doped.

Perhaps there is no unconquered corner in this world where illegal drugs, don’t exist. From the highly recognized suburbs to the dirtiest slams, drugs become the new ‘food’. It supplements the hungry and boosts the confidence of the weak. It leeches into the weakest of spirits and creates a stable habitat out of it… never wanting to leave. Its annihilating effects to mankind have accelerated the government and other agencies to frame an army of laws to battle it. But you see, drugs don’t choose people, it is people who must make the choice. The problem lies on the user and not how much amount of drugs are made available for consumption. The craving to ‘eat’ becomes the enemy.

But what if the enemy becomes the friend?

“I have found peace… peace with myself, with my surroundings --- the birds, wind, water, the sky. It’s as if heaven and earth is in harmony. Most importantly, I have become one with myself.”

From the few governing Elites, to the tilling rank-and-file employees, drugs become the most promising destructive weapon to counter political pressure and issues, homelessness, loneliness, starvation and the increasing rate of mortality. If God loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten Son to save us, oh dear God, weed has become more than enough! Many claimed that they have found salvation at the happiest 24-hours of their lives… being doped. Perhaps priests and bishops should start preaching about it.

People who use and are hooked with drugs are commonly classified as the ‘misunderstoods’ for the obvious reasons that no rational being would ever even entertain using it because, like firearms, they have destructive properties. Drugs can ignite war among countries if not properly distributed. Do you think the drug business has long been dead? You’re wrong because today, it becomes the lifeblood of this very nation. It has become the air that your children breathe and I wish I can tell you that you still can do something about it.

“I don’t think people truly understand the world… how beautiful it is. Such beautiful world welcomes me to another dimension – a paradise not everyone knows. I got settled with my little space in there, I keep going back… away from those who keep fucking it up. And I don’t want anyone to take my paradise away from me. I am home.”

With the continuing evolution of man and his adaptation to the world, processes were developed and technology comes to life. Everything becomes almost perfect --- man, separating from his savage state, capable of maneuvering things yet keeping his primordial instinct: survival. Except that man wants everything for himself just as when weed becomes the new law.

“The guilt was there, yes. But I have to do what my other friends were constantly doing. They say they have created a world they deserve to live… away from dickheads, from people who only care about what people should do and what not. I want a piece of the paradise they are caving in. I want it too; because I know I deserve it too.”

“Broken glass and plates, shuttered windows… a lot of broken things and a bleeding vein but I have to live with it because we are family. I have to witness how my mother was battered almost to death but I cannot leave because she was my mother after all. That is how you keep a family. You never leave anyone behind when they are at a state where they needed you the most. But you see, you have to have something that keeps your sanity. I phoned a friend whom I know has been using it for quite awhile now. He hurriedly went up my room and happily shared the moment of happiness with me. We laughed for no reason at all. The flashed faces of a happy family lingers in my thoughts… we were laughing, all of us. I kept that moment for myself until another domestic violence erupts. I don’t think there is nothing I cannot handle knowing I have created an easy escape for myself.”

“You ever think you’re smarter than me because you’re the one who’s paying for the groceries? Because you get paid higher than me? Because you get to keep up with the utilities of this house? Because you think I’m fucked up? Bitch, you married me like this! Deal with it and live with it!”

“Music… art… they make the whole world flat – that’s what my asshole boss told me. He seemed not to be contented with how I see art. Is he the one who holds the degree? Nobody decides what is beautiful or not when you talk about art!”

“Stop talking about God, motherf**ck*r!”

“I hear these voices… pushing me to do better despite the fact that I feel like doing my best already. No excuses, they say because I’m not paying off their efforts they’re pouring. I have to study, make good and graduate with flying colors. So that they get to the stage bragging some honor shit.”

”I need to stay up late… and secure the surroundings, because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Yes, I am a cop and I use it to do my job the way they expect me to do it. And I guess I do pretty well. I just got another badge you know. They must be proud.”

“She killed herself. No, drugs killed her. We knew she had been using it for quite some time. She had been acting weird; maybe a little confused. She was different from her other siblings. She locked herself in her room and sometimes we heard her laugh alone. She had a life of her own… away from us. Until that dreaded day we found her in her own room… lifeless. She left nothing, not even a note for us to know anything. She just left.”

“You call yourself a writer? And what? You want to extort a confession from me? Then what? The police will come and arrest me? Are you nuts?!”

“Mom! What is this fucked-up woman trying to ask me?!”

“I love listening to Afroman… I think they’re the coolest. Their music dragged me to the beach… where I always want to be. I feel like having the time of my life when I’m tuning in to their music. And don’t you think I tell you this because I’m no other than high myself?”

“I like doing it with my friends. They call it ‘pot’. I call it my own rehabilitation --- from the world. I smoke it, let the smoke gets into my lungs… puffed it all the way. I liked how it takes me to a different realm. I’m not sure what happens after but the next day, a chick kept calling our house looking for me!”

“I did it once, liked the effect, and I keep coming back for more.”

Plain and simple puff and everything gets inevitable. Tell me, what else stoned the world to its greatness?

True to the heart, do you think drugs killed your children? I don’t think so. Bridge the gap. Stop pestering about the laws against the use of it. Let the laws take care of those who were apprehended. Other than that, listen… try to listen from the heart and be open to what you are about to hear. People vary with their perception of beauty, art, music, work. To sum it up, the world.

Respect begets respect. Live not to inject, but to affect. 

Too Early for Valentines Day

I could not remember the last time I had a sensible conversation with a man, until yesterday. I brutally asked him this question: So, why do guys cheat? In my defense, I honestly meant to rephrase that question to this: Do you have any idea why some people cheat from their spouses or partners? There, I could have gracefully throw that question at his face but of course, I have a bad habit of, let's say, surprising people with questions. But I think he truly understood what I meant. That night, my thirst for information from a guy's perspective was somehow quenched. 

He told me that there is no perfect relationship. I would have rolled my eyes right in front of him the moment he said that line. Cliche, isn't it? But, I was stopped from doing so upon hearing his next lines. According to him, a perfect relationship is comprised of an 80%-20% sharing. If a guy is committed to a woman, by that, he meant a guy to be in a relationship, assuming (on my behalf) that this refers to a love-based relationship, the 80% is being made up. But then again, since no relationship is perfect, there is always that 20% that is lacking and this 20% is workable in the relationship. This lacking percentage may be due to differences between two people, since no two people can ever be alike in their choice of movies, taste buds preferences, and the list of these disparities can go on, and on. But, as he said, these differences are way too light to weigh down the 80% that has already been made up the moment the woman said yes to the man. Sadly, however, not all people who are in this kind of relationship know how to reconcile their differences and compromise in order to achieve the 20%. As a result, either one of them will have to look for this 20% from other people, in this case, from the opposite sex and whoever finds first that other opposite sex who can fill in the 20%, is unfortunately the one to be branded as the cheater. 

Point well taken. But of course, you did not expect me to accept those facts right away, right? Not, especially when numbers are taken out from the air in that instant; not when someone is trying to establish a fact through estimates. So, my inquiries that night were like snapped from the air as well. I indulged myself and further asked: Didn't you guys know from the start what you truly signed up for? Seriously, I think it's a generally accepted fact that no relationship will ever be perfect, but that doesn't give you guys the pass to find what is lacking in that relationship from other people. It's not fair. 

I honestly believed that I have practiced vagueness in my line of questioning that night, so is my ability to come up with hasty generalizations. But of course, because I am the woman, he has given me much leeway to just go through babbling. And here I am trying to raise my defenses by trying to explain that what I truly meant by my question did not pinpoint to men only because even women are capable of cheating. I know you understand what I meant. 

He answered that question with a question. What about you? Do you (women) also truly know what you have signed up for, in the first place? No, let me rephrase that. Do you also understand what you have signed up for from the moment you said yes to a man? That is exactly the reason why there is a 20% workable percentage in a relationship. That kind of question maybe considered a part of it already. What does a man and a woman truly signed up for in a relationship? Let's see. We have, honesty, check; loyalty, check; faithfulness, check; but wait, have I mentioned respect, yet? There goes your 20%, baby. You have to work that out! 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T 

Yes, he spelled that word at me. According to him, while either parties in the relationship are assuming that they have respect for each other the moment their eyes sparkle as they stare at each other, either of them failed to notice that this is the same element that they have been actually looking for from the relationship they have established. The 80% apparently is comprised of honesty, love, and fidelity. The 20% is shouting for respect. And what is there to respect for? Your differences. The common misconception most people conceived from engaging in any sort of relationship is that the attraction they developed for each other already tantamounts to love, and the moment they acknowledge that feeling, they seem to assume that all of what their person has to offer comes with it.

Apparently, not. 

You have to ask yourself. What got you attracted to the guy? Isn't it that you found him cute while he was eating with his bare hands? That you found it weird yet beautiful how he sang his throats out just to sing you your favorite song? That he opened your eyes to another dimension of this world by making you listen to his comic book stories when you could have finished your Kat Martin novel? That he shared his metallic songs in your iPod? These, my friend, are the disparities you failed to notice from the very beginning yet you forgot to take them into the relationship because you were drowned by your emotions. But the longer the relationship stays, the more these differences become vivid. You know why? Because these differences, spare the attraction, are the things you never signed up for should you have noticed them before you said your precious 'yes'. As these differences become crystal clear while you both are in the relationship, you start to develop your indifference with each other. You start throwing shit at each other. What do they call that again? Irreconcilable differences.

So, what happens to your 80% now? 

I butted in even before he can say his next sentence and answered, what actually happens to your acclaimed 80% is nothing, in the first place, there is no 80% established. You see, I don't believe that it is probable to even claim to have felt love in the relationship and claiming at the same time that you have a 20% respect that needs to be worked out for each other. It is absurd. Love is all-embracing. Honesty, Fidelity, Trust, and most especially, Respect. You don't say, I love you but wait, we need to work out on respect, baby. It doesn't work that way because women, while they, as you claimed, are drowning in the ocean of their emotions, have already embraced the totality of the person that you are the moment we say yes. Yes? Your 80%-20% is pure, bullshit. 

Guess what? He suddenly raised his goblet and said, "I rest my case. Cheers! But, err, can I stick with my 80%-20% sharing?"

Men.