10 Types of Women Your Momma Warned You About

Do you remember when you were a kid, your mom told you about not going with a certain girl friend because she might just cut your Barbie’s head or ruin your doll’s dress? As for guys, do you remember your mom showing her dislikes to the girl you just brought home? She has her reasons! Good reasons. Well, if you did not head to your momma’s advice, I bet you discovered two things: 1. Your momma was right after all (not that your friend ruined your Barbie, but, she sure did ruin your future) and 2. You end up with zero bank balance.

Here are the types of women you should stop being with, or be warned about.

1.       The Barbie Thief – You always have that one girlfriend who seems to be so envious of what you have. Whether you have a new dress, a new doll house, or new pair of shoes, she can’t seem to be happy that you are happy with what you have. You know why? Because she wants all those same things that you have. You know what that means? Let’s say, you have a pretty boyfriend, she has seen him, now what? She’s gonna steal your boyfriend!

2.       The Drunken Party-goer – There is no problem with going to parties IF you are going out with the right set of friends. This type of woman should be kept in her bag the moment she empties her 3^rd shot of vodka tonic. You definitely don’t want to see her going on top of the bar, dancing her way on her heels when she’s wearing a skimpy skirt, and thongs underneath. Too much having of a good time? It will cost you a lot! Worst, might end up in jail for damaging a property or breaking somebody else’s car windows at the parking lot after she puked the last strand of pasta she had for dinner. Zip up and head your way home!

3.       The Bankrupt – It’s not all the time that we have cash, right? But it’s also not always that we ran out of it. Hey, guess what? You always have this one girl friend who keeps announcing to you that she has no money. Yes, you can lend some, but not all the time especially if she hasn’t paid the last credit, yet. Girlfriend, she’s not your responsibility. Don’t let money issues get in the way of your friendship. Do not tolerate it and the best thing you should do is to give her a wise financial advice. Be honest. What are friends for anyway?

4.       The Banker – While you have a bankrupt friend, you might also have this type – the banker. She is that kind who will go knocking at your door in the wee hours of the night, wanting to party, or lounge at this expensive and famous restaurant or bar in your area—all expense paid! But wait, seriously? Remember that saying, I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine? Here’s the deal, the moment she gets the bill and paid everything, the next time, she knocks on your door, whether you are doing your laundry, or busy with school projects, you will never be able to say no. Why not? Because, she paid you to spend your time with her, and you can’t be sick all the time!

5.       The Closet Raider – You probably have an idea about this type of woman. She calls in; speak about a date, and the distress of finding the right dress for it. What can you do? She is a friend and you happen to have a truckload of very nice dresses to lend her. So, she walks in carrying her knap sack and she exclaims in so much anticipation when she gets hold of your Zara lacey dress. Oh well, don’t expect it will be returned, but she will! She just doesn’t run out of dates, and you, my friend, have just been raided!

6.       The Material Girl – This is very common to be encountered by a guy who happens to lounge a lot in bars. This girl arrives in shiny and shimmering skimpy clothes, wearing her 3-inch jimmy shoes, and her Gucci purse. One look and you see the girl of your dreams. Well, she is—if you mean, physically. She works out a lot, and she sure have a gym membership card. She also, by the way, owns at least three credit cards, all of which, almost dried up for apparels. And here’s the deal, once she sees you in your leather Aldo shoes, and Patek Philippe watch, you’ll get her sweetest smile. Next thing you know, you are buying her a drink. I wish to tell you that you did not end up hooking up with her, but of course you know how this will end. What better way to swoon your perfect glittering girl than treating her to shopping using your credit cards! Oh boy, if it would make you feel better, you were also her man of his dreams, until the credit companies go after you though!

7.       The Daddy’s Girl – Guys, listen up! Now this type of girl, you sure want to care for. She comes really vulnerable and family oriented, I must say. It’s not that being so is bad. It’s just that, you simply don’t want to end up bringing her balloons, or donuts, or pizzas, every time she feels bad about her cat. Because you know why? You’ll end up explaining to her daddy! Every detail of your relationship, her daddy’s the first to know. That would be so awkward, right? Do not wait for the time you sit beside her daddy in their dining table being caught up with this question from him: so, you want to have sex with my daughter? *arms pounding on the table*

8.       The Rebel – Are you the type of guy who always ends up with the rebel girl? What more fun can you get than spending time with a girl who also knows how to have fun, amiright? But here is the thing, once you get so comfortable with her, knowing, or feeling that you are of the same wavelength, you get so hooked up with her company that whatever she wants to do (out of the blue), whether she wants to trek on the Andes Mountains, or run with the leopards in South Africa, you can barely say no. It’s refreshing, her company, yes, but do you really want to when she also, wants to do drugs? Careful there, now. You don’t wanna spend Christmas in jail, trust me!

9.       The “One of the Boys” – You got off the hook when you fall for this kind of woman. By ‘you got off the hook’; I mean that you got away from the monotony of your boring life. You suddenly acquired a best friend in her. She is always on the go and she easily gets along with y’all boys. She can even become the President of a boys’ club. However, one thing you should be warned about her. You might want to dig deeper into her personality or you’ll regret not doing so and knowing in the end that your girl, happens to be a lesbian –in your face!

10.   The Dreamer – ‘What is your dream wedding?’ ‘What is your dream house?’ Scared yet? There’s your dreamer girl’s dreamy questions. These are questions you might want to ponder on. But, they can get you really scared if there never comes a day she hasn’t stopped asking about them. Your dreamer dreams a lot she hangs herself in illusion. Someone who is not in touch with her real world is either a psychopath or a bipolar bi*ch. You better be careful. Next thing you know she’s asking you to fly with her to Neverland!

PS: If you haven’t read the previous post yet about the guys you need to be warned about, here’s the link.

Too Early for Valentines Day

I could not remember the last time I had a sensible conversation with a man, until yesterday. I brutally asked him this question: So, why do guys cheat? In my defense, I honestly meant to rephrase that question to this: Do you have any idea why some people cheat from their spouses or partners? There, I could have gracefully throw that question at his face but of course, I have a bad habit of, let's say, surprising people with questions. But I think he truly understood what I meant. That night, my thirst for information from a guy's perspective was somehow quenched. 

He told me that there is no perfect relationship. I would have rolled my eyes right in front of him the moment he said that line. Cliche, isn't it? But, I was stopped from doing so upon hearing his next lines. According to him, a perfect relationship is comprised of an 80%-20% sharing. If a guy is committed to a woman, by that, he meant a guy to be in a relationship, assuming (on my behalf) that this refers to a love-based relationship, the 80% is being made up. But then again, since no relationship is perfect, there is always that 20% that is lacking and this 20% is workable in the relationship. This lacking percentage may be due to differences between two people, since no two people can ever be alike in their choice of movies, taste buds preferences, and the list of these disparities can go on, and on. But, as he said, these differences are way too light to weigh down the 80% that has already been made up the moment the woman said yes to the man. Sadly, however, not all people who are in this kind of relationship know how to reconcile their differences and compromise in order to achieve the 20%. As a result, either one of them will have to look for this 20% from other people, in this case, from the opposite sex and whoever finds first that other opposite sex who can fill in the 20%, is unfortunately the one to be branded as the cheater. 

Point well taken. But of course, you did not expect me to accept those facts right away, right? Not, especially when numbers are taken out from the air in that instant; not when someone is trying to establish a fact through estimates. So, my inquiries that night were like snapped from the air as well. I indulged myself and further asked: Didn't you guys know from the start what you truly signed up for? Seriously, I think it's a generally accepted fact that no relationship will ever be perfect, but that doesn't give you guys the pass to find what is lacking in that relationship from other people. It's not fair. 

I honestly believed that I have practiced vagueness in my line of questioning that night, so is my ability to come up with hasty generalizations. But of course, because I am the woman, he has given me much leeway to just go through babbling. And here I am trying to raise my defenses by trying to explain that what I truly meant by my question did not pinpoint to men only because even women are capable of cheating. I know you understand what I meant. 

He answered that question with a question. What about you? Do you (women) also truly know what you have signed up for, in the first place? No, let me rephrase that. Do you also understand what you have signed up for from the moment you said yes to a man? That is exactly the reason why there is a 20% workable percentage in a relationship. That kind of question maybe considered a part of it already. What does a man and a woman truly signed up for in a relationship? Let's see. We have, honesty, check; loyalty, check; faithfulness, check; but wait, have I mentioned respect, yet? There goes your 20%, baby. You have to work that out! 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T 

Yes, he spelled that word at me. According to him, while either parties in the relationship are assuming that they have respect for each other the moment their eyes sparkle as they stare at each other, either of them failed to notice that this is the same element that they have been actually looking for from the relationship they have established. The 80% apparently is comprised of honesty, love, and fidelity. The 20% is shouting for respect. And what is there to respect for? Your differences. The common misconception most people conceived from engaging in any sort of relationship is that the attraction they developed for each other already tantamounts to love, and the moment they acknowledge that feeling, they seem to assume that all of what their person has to offer comes with it.

Apparently, not. 

You have to ask yourself. What got you attracted to the guy? Isn't it that you found him cute while he was eating with his bare hands? That you found it weird yet beautiful how he sang his throats out just to sing you your favorite song? That he opened your eyes to another dimension of this world by making you listen to his comic book stories when you could have finished your Kat Martin novel? That he shared his metallic songs in your iPod? These, my friend, are the disparities you failed to notice from the very beginning yet you forgot to take them into the relationship because you were drowned by your emotions. But the longer the relationship stays, the more these differences become vivid. You know why? Because these differences, spare the attraction, are the things you never signed up for should you have noticed them before you said your precious 'yes'. As these differences become crystal clear while you both are in the relationship, you start to develop your indifference with each other. You start throwing shit at each other. What do they call that again? Irreconcilable differences.

So, what happens to your 80% now? 

I butted in even before he can say his next sentence and answered, what actually happens to your acclaimed 80% is nothing, in the first place, there is no 80% established. You see, I don't believe that it is probable to even claim to have felt love in the relationship and claiming at the same time that you have a 20% respect that needs to be worked out for each other. It is absurd. Love is all-embracing. Honesty, Fidelity, Trust, and most especially, Respect. You don't say, I love you but wait, we need to work out on respect, baby. It doesn't work that way because women, while they, as you claimed, are drowning in the ocean of their emotions, have already embraced the totality of the person that you are the moment we say yes. Yes? Your 80%-20% is pure, bullshit. 

Guess what? He suddenly raised his goblet and said, "I rest my case. Cheers! But, err, can I stick with my 80%-20% sharing?"

Men.