A Different World

It's been days... my feelings were truly wounded, my reputation besmirched... countless sleepless nights (not to mention nightmares). It was a horrible feeling and the damage is beyond repair. For sometime, I thought I'll go crazy. But if there is one thing that I learned from that experience, I know who my true friends are - those who stand by me, no matter what and feel the pain I've been going through, without even trying so hard to uplift my spirit. They are simply being there for me. You know who you are and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. 

Life used to be so simple when it was just all about collecting rubber bonds and comic texts. As age comes by easy; slowly, dreamland became a far flung community. It never existed, today. Fantasies and dreams, when they become vivid, creates a harsh reality that will slap you at any minute of the day. It saddens me that after all that life has given me, at one point, you realize everything becomes disposable. There is no such thing as freedom. Everything is confined to those who have it - the one who has the control, the resource, the one who is on top of the pedestal... leaving behind those who kneel down and pray for their own souls to be saved over a minute amount to keep the meal of the day. This is the world we are living now - totally different from the world we used to live at the back of our heads. 

Achieving a degree in any levels of education does not even guarantee a person the freedom he has always been trying to achieve and protect. It was just a piece of paper that gives one that piece of booster in his person to somehow put on a foot forward against anyone who tries to overpower the confined freedom he created in his head. It's a warring principle of law against your means to live. What do you  really have to fight for at the end of the day becomes the tie-breaking question. 

Guided by morals, what is dictated by public policy and what ought to be right versus wrong... you keep asking these to yourself. But, what is truly right and wrong is a dangerous question. What if I do the wrong things for the right reasons? Or, what if I do the right thing for the wrong reasons? It couldn't be all the time right and all the time wrong. At the end of the day, before you shut yourself against the whole world and you only have the stars and the darkness of the night to seek  refuge for, you have to choose on which side you will be and make it right no matter how wrong it appears. Should your means really justify your ends? 

Somebody called me up right after that memorable day and ask me this simple question: Is it worth it? 

I don't want to be hypocrite with all these. But, what am I really fighting for here? It's not a story that revolves around monetary claim anymore... it's about testing whether or not, truly, there is no one that can be above the law. If I am wrong, I'll charge it to experience and will try to forget that this moment happened for once in my life. And if I happen to be right after all, I will walk with my chin up - proud as I can ever be... that I was never mistaken after all... that the dreamland I created at the back of my head when I was a little kid truly existed and it's worth fighting for.